By Brice Cherry

Tribune-Herald staff writer

When you try to roast Kim Mulkey, you’re the one who’s going to end up burned.

As tends to be the case with the spunky ninth-year Baylor women’s basketball coach, Mulkey got the last laugh at the ESPN 1660/Texas Sports Hall of Fame Celebrity Roast honoring her Wednesday night, delivering her share of good-natured digs at those who had piled on her with such glee.

PHOTOS
At the event

VIDEO
Highlights from the celebrity roast

A sampling:

Regarding a former LSU coach with whom Mulkey infamously feuded: “Pokey Chapman? Never heard of her. Is that one of the coaches I’ve beaten along the way?”

To Texas Football magazine founder Dave Campbell: “How can you say anything bad about Dave Campbell? There are very few people in life who you can’t say anything bad about, and Dave is one of those guys. And he’s a sportswriter!”

On radio personality and Baylor shot-clock operator Butch Henry: “Half the time you look over, and Butch is asleep at the clock.”

Of course, Mulkey’s roasters took turns delighting a sold-out crowd at Baylor’s Galloway Suites with an array of zingers and one-liners directed at her — and each other.

When master of ceremonies Steve Fallon introduced former Baylor athletic director Tom Stanton, Fallon said, “Tom is constantly reminding me that he’s the athletic director who hired Kim Mulkey, over and over again. I remind him that he’s also the one who hired Dave Roberts and Kevin Steele, too!”

To which Stanton retorted, “Steve, don’t forget Dave Bliss.”

Stanton saved some of his best barbs for Mulkey, calling her a “Tom Penders lookalike” and commenting that the reason behind all her success at Baylor is “because (assistant coach) Johnny Derrick is really pulling the strings.”

Campbell, meanwhile, mentioned that he had recently spoken with former Lady Bears and current WNBA star Sophia Young, telling her that Baylor’s 2005 NCAA title was one of the more memorable athletic achievements in school history. “Sophia said to me, ‘If we’d had a lick of coaching, we’d have won two national championships!’ ” Campbell said.

The legendary sportswriter also poked fun at Mulkey’s wardrobe — “straight off the racks at Goodwill” — and presented her with a pair of hot pink flip-flops to wear on the sidelines.

When Rick May, the radio play-by-play voice of the Lady Bears, took his turn at the mike, he said he’d have to tread carefully since “I’m the only one up here who could lose his job.”

Yet May pulled no punches, describing the Louisiana-bred Mulkey as “so country that when she heard there was going to be a roast, she said, ‘I’ll bring the weenies!’”

May also labeled Mulkey a “God-fearing woman, which is a good thing, because I’m glad to know she’s afraid of somebody.”

Ultimately, each roaster closed his remarks by lavishing the BU coach with effusive praise, and Mulkey herself received a standing ovation as she approached the podium.

The roast, which serves as a fundraiser for the Sports Hall of Fame, is the fourth of its kind. Past honorees have included Henry, Waco High football coach Johnny Tusa and Houston Chronicle sportswriter John McClain.